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Something that you don't know about marriage in Islam. Marriage!!!

Each and every single day that is the topic of discussion among the youths. But the question is do they actually know all that it is about? The struggles that are there in it? What may lead to the end of that marriage they always talk about? The compromise they have to and the likes. They only see it as a relationship between a man and woman who are bound together by love or the other way round and will have to spend the rest of their lives together.

Then what is marriage?.  Marriage: Is a contract that results in the two parties physically enjoying each other in the manner allowed by the Shari'ah." The holy prophet (S.A.W) has said “When a man has married, he has completed one half of his religion, so let him fear Allah with regard to the other half”. he has further said “Marriage is Sunnah (Practice). Those who do not follow my Sunnah are not for me”.

There are three reasons why one gets married which are:

1. To enable a man and a woman to live together and experience love and happiness within Islamic law.

2.  To provide children and provide a stable and righteous environment for the upbringing.

3. To provide a legal union which safeguards society from moral and social degradation?

As a result, marriage is for both man and woman to share a spiritual and physical journey.

A journey which they will continue together in the next life in Sha Allah, to create a plus and safe environment to raise their children, protect and develop   Taqwa (righteousness) in them to enable them to become God-fearing servant of Allah. Unfortunately, a lot of marriages are breaking apart. This could normally be seen in nowadays marriages. A girl will get married and in a few days, weeks or months she becomes a divorce. The big question here is why does this keep on happening? It could be due to some marital conflict that arises in marriages whose solutions were not found or the couples fail to resolve the matter. It could be due to their ego’s pride e.t.c.

Married life in Islam Almighty Allah said“And among His signs is this, that he created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and he has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflected”. In the Qur’an, the marriage relationship is described as one with “tranquillity” “love” and “mercy”. Elsewhere in the Qur’an husband and wife are described as “garments” this metaphor is used because garments offer protection, comfort, modesty and warmth. Above all, the Qur’an described that the best garment is the “garment of God-consciousness”. Muslims view marriage as the foundation of society and family life. All Muslims are advised to marry Islamic scholar have commented that in the phrase, the prophet was referring to the protection that marriage offer: keeping one away from temptation, the test that faces married couples that they will need to face with patience, wisdom, and faith.

Marriage shapes your character as a Muslim and as a couple.

STEPS TO LIVE A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE There is a dark side in marriage just as much as there is beauty in it. A marriage is said to be successful when dark times are faced and overcome marriage is done to please Allah and it requires the active worship and all the proper deeds in Islam to make a marriage successful.

Apart from the ways of Islam, there are 8 tips to help maintain a happy married life these include:

1. ABSTAIN FROM UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: - We almost plan out away of life to live by  before marriage some of us go to the extent of picking the exact behavioural- type person will like to marry.  The number of children down to the last detail.  Allah created human beings, imperfect human beings We’re all bound to make mistakes and attain certain goals in life, so one should love his spouse for who he is i.e. their imperfection and the rest.

2. FOCUS ON THE BEST As mentioned earlier all humans are not perfect the more you drill on the negatives, the more reason you find to always have a fight.  Focus on the best parts as it will serve as a reminder on why you fell in love and reason for marrying.

3. BE YOUR MATE’S BEST FRIEND:- A best friend is a friend that you share every little thing with, be it important or not. Make your spouse your best friend for a better flow of understanding.

4. SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER Always create time for each other no matter how the busy life schedules you both have time together for those without

5. EXPRESS FEELINGS MORE OFTEN Yes, most spouses get married as a result of love while others don’t often marriages that are formed by others, love come to play at the later stage as a result of knowing each other more.  Expressing feelings are the best way to remind your spouse that passion is still within.

6. NEVER BRING UP PAST PROBLEMS The past problem once dealt with should never be brought up.  They should remain in the past and be forgotten. You can walk down on memory lane provided it is a happy lane.

7. GREAT SURPRISES FROM TIME TO TIME Surprises are always fun and can always change a person’s mood to a positive sate & mind.  Always create surprises to speak up your routine life.

8. ADMIT MISTAKES AND MOVE ON WITH THE PRESENT Mistakes are inevitable in a relationship We’re all not perfect and we should always have that in mind if a mistake is done, admit to it and move on in life.

These are the core points to a happy married life, love by the points and Allah will guide you to a happy marriage. Apart from living a happy married life, all married couples also experience difficulties.  Learning to disagree can be one of the hardest but most rewarding experiences in a marriage even more rewarding is resolving these disagreements and keeping unhappiness at bay.

Prolonged disagreements could mean there is a chronic problem between the spouses and could untimely lead to unhappiness marriage counsellors reveal that this unhappiness is sometimes caused by one’s expectations of their spouse not being met. The surprising thing here is there is one key question that can go a long way toward solving hidden problems in a marriage and aiding marriage communication.

“What could I do to make you happy?”

The above question could work as a miracle to solve the problem between spouses if they are going through a rough patch.  The key to asking the question sincerely and calmly with no resentment and no defensiveness. Try to put your partner at ease and then truly hear what he/she has to say Don’t argue just listen.  Every husband is different, but there are some common issues that could hit the familiar chords.

1. IT COULD BE YOUR SEX LIFE. Intimacy is not always easy to achieve especially in today’s busy world, but if it is lacking, it can set sirens off in your relationship.  Sometimes one has to plan a weekend away from responsibilities or setting a new schedule when he is too busy on the weekdays. Other problems can affect sexual well-being such as female-related infections If this affects your marriage then you should work it out a healthy sex life revolves around a couple who actively look forward to intimacy and both enjoy it and get pleasure from it.

2. HE ALWAYS WANTS TO BE THE MAN If your husband feels that he is losing grip of his position as the head of the family, think about it if you have been trying to replaceable his role, instead of assuming your important one as the consultant, advisor and nurturer of the family.  Generally speaking, being feminine is not secondary to being a man, after all, beauty and elegance are what differentiate women from men.  You are the only woman he is allowed to look at so make it a rewarding experience for him.

3. HE NEVER WANTS TO FEEL ABANDONED First, he needs you to be feminine and beautiful, but he also needs the assurance that you will support him during the times he needs you most It takes a really big man to ask for help from the woman he cares about the most; and who better to stop him than his life partner the person who he wishes to perfect and who shares his home and children with.

4. HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE IS APPRECIATED Try telling him that you appreciate him.  Whenever he did something good to you bought something for you no matter how small that thing is always trying to say ‘thank you’ Thank you very much I really appreciate”  May God always give you the strength to do more” etc.  Do so in other for him to feel eager to do more to you and your kids.  You should not be too busy/blinded to see what he does for you.

5. FINDING ANSWERS TO HIS ANSWERS “It can be an eye-opener when a husband spills his insecurities to his wife” It can be harrowing pick up the pieces, but working on them can ultimately give your marriage of course if he says, “The house is never clean” try not to scream at him. If definitely is not dissatisfaction in you, but maybe he just needs a few pointers on how the conversation is supposed to shape up. But set it aside as an afterthought and work on ways to perhaps make the house a little more presentable if it really is shambles. If it is possible, check back with him in a few weeks and ask him how he feels about your efforts.

Satisfaction and dissatisfaction work both ways so do communication If there is something bothering you in your relationship, you also have the right to speak him from the heart. Tell him about things that are making you unhappy in your relationship and do it sincerely rather than out of spite. Just because he points out a few things that make him unhappy, it does not give you the license to gun him down with your own list of faults It does not mean that he does not love you just because he is upset about a few things in your marriage  It shows that he genuinely wants to work his way out of the rut and he really cares the fact that you took the time to listen and work on his insecurities shows that you love him too.  It just takes that one question to help you save your marriage and it is the one question that will help both of you to achieve happiness and rekindle the loving relationship both of you are dying for.

ALLAH KNOWS BEST.

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